


Occupational Hazards

by Hellesgift



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Humor, M/M, Plot What Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 00:51:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/792131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hellesgift/pseuds/Hellesgift
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Not quite Niagara.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Occupational Hazards

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired (if I can use the term) by a co-worker who insisted on referring to the vaseline in his kit as KY. Therefore, in complete confidence that there's no way he's reading online homoerotic fiction, I dedicate this story to Papa Bull. (And PB, if I'm wrong about that, I'm not sure I really want to know.)

"Hold still--let me check your ankle." 

"It's nothing, man. Damn, I can't believe I was so stupid--" 

"Forget it, Chief. Important thing is, we're both okay. It's just sprained, no problem." 

"Okay? _Okay_ , Jim? Do I have to remind you that I somehow cleverly triggered their defense mechanism? That we are now trapped in an abandoned coal mine? This is not okay; this is _very bad_. This is a bad development to a pretty shitty day. You're not even listening to me. God, Jim, don't go wandering off...Jim! Don't leave me here, man. That roof could fall on you...Jim? Oh god oh god stand up come on Sandburg come on--SHIT!" 

"Chief? Dammit, just because it's a sprain doesn't mean...okay, my mistake. Sit down, for god's sake. I won't go exploring again, until you can. But here's the good news. Those elders weren't exaggerating. There's got to be enough food for the entire organization in there--and not just for the one year, either. It's a freeze-dried fantasy." 

"Maybe your fantasies involve shelf-stable meats, man...ugh...no, it's okay, I'm okay..." 

"Didn't mean to hurt you--" 

"No, it's okay. Gotta be wrapped. You are okay, right Jim? You wouldn't be going all stoic on me?" 

"For the last time, I'm fine! Thanks to you 'going all heroic' on me, all I got was a minor bruise from your hip bone in my lower back. We are going to have a talk about the proper response to a cave-in, Darwin. And about who exactly is the blessed protector around here and who is therefore the designated protectee--" 

"Right, Jim. I'm supposed to stand inside the damn bunker and watch you become part of the caved-in defense these people dreamed up from the depths of their paranoia." 

"Is that any way for an anthropologist to talk?" 

"When said anthropologist is stuck in an abandoned mine--" 

"It's been used as a potential bunker for years now, I think we can find a better term for it than 'abandoned'." 

"Oh, excuse me Mr. Editor. When said anthropologist is stuck in a _rarely-visited_ 'cultural response to apocalyptic prophesies of infrastructural armageddon' then YES, I think I'm allowed to be a bit more judgmental of my former subjects than I would be usually. And may I just add that an abandoned coal mine is a stupid-ass place to build a bunker. Who wants to spend the apocalypse here?" 

"Former?" 

"Huh?" 

" _Former_ subjects?" 

"Like I'm going back to Elder Johnston and saying 'Sorry about your millennial hidey-hole...aren't we lucky it wasn't needed?' Good call, oh wise Sentinel." 

"They'll find out one way or another when they come back next week to begin recovering the food." 

"A week. Shit. So do we try to dig out?" 

"Well...I could try. I guess I'd be able to hear another rock-fall with enough time--" 

"Hey, hey, forget that. Forget that! Ignore the crazy Shaman in the corner." 

"Chief--" 

"No. Not a chance. You are not rooting around those rocks trying to trigger another Chicken Little moment. Nope. We've got food, we've got water...we've got water, right?" 

"Yeah, bottles of it all down the next tunnel." 

"And we've got each other. It's that honeymoon we never had time for." 

"Well, my choice would have been a mountain fishing trip..." 

"Like we'd even leave the cabin..." 

"Mmm. Blair...yes...watch your ankle..." 

"Ouch! No, it's okay. Just...oh. Oh yeah...Jim, man...over...no, put it under us...mmm..." 

"Chief...yes...god, more..." 

"Come on come on come on--" 

"No, wait. Chief. Wait, I've got to get--" 

"Spit, dammit!" 

"No. _Wait_ , okay? I'll be right back." 

"You're not...Jim? God damn it, Jim, you are not leaving me like this! My ankle's going to be healed soon, and you're going to regret this!" 

"There's got to be something..." 

"Olive oil, man! No? ANY kind of vegetable oil...no, very funny...freeze-dried stir-fry is NOT useful. Dammit, Jim, you are _not_ going to refuse me for the next seven days! You make a damn poor Lysistrata." 

"Ha! Found it." 

"What...were there first-aid kits or something?" 

"Found it in one of these side corridors, piled with some electrical supplies...think it belonged to one of the miners. It'll work." 

"Well, yeah, but...check to make sure it's still sealed, man. I am not spending the next week talking you out of some industrial-strength zone." 

"You'll be happy to know it passes even Sentinel-strength inspection." 

"What do you mean, _I'll_ be happy? This gonna be just for me? Oh god. Yeah, right there. Yeah...oh yeah. Mission control, we have lift off! That's enough, dammit, now get in!" 

"Easy..." 

"Come on, come on...yeah! Oh man. Oh god, Jim!" 

"Blair, Christ, so good--" 

"Oh god, oh god. That's it, right--right there--god, yes!" 

"More..." 

"Now, Jim, now...god...goddamn..." 

"Yeah... 

"Oh _fuck_ yeah..." 

"Blair...god...thank you...love you..." 

"Oh _man_ , Jim. Mmm. Love you too." 

"Mmm...shhh..." 

"You okay, man? No weird effects?" 

"I keep hearing this annoying voice interrupting my afterglow." 

"Very funny. Guess you're okay." 

"Better than okay, Chief. Always. The best." 

"Yeah. Me too, man." 

"Mmmm." 

"Jim." 

"Jim!" 

"Wha..?" 

"Have I mentioned before that abandoned coal-mines are just damn-fine settings for apocalyptic bunkers?" 

"Mmm." 

"Okay, I'll shut up. Go to sleep, Jim." 

"Night, Chief." 

"Night." 

"Blair." 

"Blair?" 

"Mmm?" 

"Perfect setting for a long-delayed honeymoon, too."


End file.
